Christmas and other insanities.

Hello, internet!

It's been a few days since I've had the pleasure to blog, so I'll take the opportunity to share what I've been up to during the Christmas holidays this year.


I went home on 21st of December (and the world didn't end at all - who would have expected that!) and had a nice, cozy evening on the couch with my Dad... until my aunt came back from a date with my other aunts and uncles. Every year, they come to my Dad's place a few days before Christmas and meet up and talk a lot of trash and all that BS.
I do like my aunt, really.
She just makes me want to brick myself every time we are together.
A normal conversation with her is just not possible because she is too self-centered to even listen to other people's stories (a problem that is quite prominent in the elder generations of our family, it seems - I'll come back to that later.) and the worst is - as I seek for the most relaxation possible whenever I get the chance to go home, since these are my days off work which are rarely spread throughout the year - that she can't sit still even for five minutes. Even when I am obviously reading a book or when the TV is running and we're watching a movie, she just can not shut up for the sake of it.
It wasn't that bad, if she didn't talk as if she was announcing something from the rooftops. It's ear-splitting.

Even when she went back home to Berlin on the morning of 23rd, I could not get any rest. Because Dec 23rd is when the real madness in our family starts - as always, I'm only talking about the elder generations.
December 23rd is my grandma's birthday.
It's a nice date, really, and she celebrates it in a lovely way with her friends over lunchtime and in the afternoon. On the evening, me, my Mom, on occasion my brothers, my cousin and my closest aunt, join to have dinner together. Normally, it's a nice event, just having a casual dinner and talk about a lot of stuff that's been going on in our lives. I hadn't seen my grandparents for half a year, so I was happy to visit them. That was until my grandma decided it was time for some childhood stories and, oh how I love these, reproaches!
About how I still work in a fast food restaurant for a living and how much I waste my time with this because I should just go to University already because what should they tell their friends about me.
In my grandmother's universe, my whole education so far is like throwing pearls before swine, if I keep this job and take my time to orientate myself in what I really want to do for a living.
My grandma's universe is a really small one.

It's not like I didn't know that myself, already.
It's not like this was one of the reasons I needed to get psychiatric treatment for nine weeks and am still struggling every day of my life.

However, she doesn't know anything about that because I have my good reasons to keep that away from her. Because she just would not understand it. She would not understand how I could possibly be sick, if I didn't have any virus or broken limbs or something the like - and if I do have something that is 'invisible' on the outside, how a few pills could not make that go away.
I'm young, I need to cope - she's old, she has the right to be ill.


Anyways, on with the Christmas nightma- I mean, tale.

On Dec 24th is when we traditionally celebrate Christmas. 
My Mom invited everyone over to her place - and Christmas at Mom's place is always like heaven. There's a pretty, decorated home and of course a tree, there's dimmed, warm lights everywhere, there's good food and wine and the fireplace is lit. There will be presents and there will be more wine and nice talks with my brothers and cousin.
After the stress (and by that I mean that kind of psychic stress that crawls under your skin because you don't notice you need to vent off, at first) of the last evening, I could not really enjoy the evening though, until everybody had left. I helped my Mom clean away some of the dishes, put away the ripped wrappings and then we laid down on her couch and watched a movie on TV together. It was quiet then and we had good conversations when we were too tired to pay proper attention to the movie. 
I felt a lot better, then I went over to my Dad's place (where I usually stay when I visit my family) to spend some more time with him in peace until I fell dead into bed.

Dec 25th is when we go to my grandma's place every year to eat Christmas goose.
Just seeing my grandma gave me the thrills and I finally reached the end of my wits when I broke off my tooth (the one I am currently getting root treatment for) at the very first bite because I bit the inside of my cheek - how smart can I possibly be.
I finished lunch however, and after that we had coffee and cake, too.
Whenever I had something to tell or tried to put any opinion or side story into the conversation, I was frankly being cut off by my grandparents (there we go with the self-centred people again, you see), so I just didn't say anything anymore.
I was boiling on the inside for a good two hours already until I found the courage to announce I was going home (thank God I was with Dad's car) when my grandpa decided it was time for another snarky remark about my work just when I was about to exit the doorway.
He said something like "Aren't you the boss of that place yet, for as long as you work there already?" and I was just going to play nice and act like I didn't hear it because I was hugging my aunt for a goodbye at that moment, but he, of course, insisted on getting a reply and repeated himself.

"Yes, certainly.", I just said and left.

I broke out into tears on the highway back home.
When I reached my Dad's place, I stayed in the car for another thirty minutes - crying.
You know, that gross kind of crying where you make sounds and sob and your nose is running and your face just generally looks as if you were laughing the wrong way around.

It's Dec 28th today and I am still trying to vent off about all that.
To anyone else this probably looks like I am totally overreacting and that nothing happened but well, I didn't go to the clinic for nine weeks every day for no reason. I'm trying to pull the positive aspects out of the situations and I definitely found some points to talk about with my therapist later.
I just know that these are people who I share blood with me, whether I like that fact or not. And in the past, I felt like I didn't mind any of that. I can accept people for who and how they are without them having to deliver reasons to me for every single thing they do or say - yet these people I have to call my family demand that of me. As if they'd done everything right in their lives and I was the only person struggling on their way on this whole planet. 
Like I was a failure in life.

This is why I won't put up with that anymore in the future.
I will still go home for Christmas - but I will spend it in peace with the rest of my family. With people who really mean something to me, that sounds harsh, I know, and to who I mean something.
I don't have any energy left to deal with all that negative BS they try to force on me, and I simply do not need people like that in my life.
The next time they try to make me feel miserable, I will just walk away like I wanted to every day of Christmas this year.

---

On a happier note!


I've made up my mind about goals I'd like to achieve in 2013.

Along with the usual goal of losing some weight/getting fitter blah blah blah, I decided I finally want to go on a vacation. Like, a real vacation. Somewhere in the South, maybe even something like Gran Canaria or the Maldives, a luxurious little vacation, somewhere away from everything.
I go to conventions over the year a lot, and I visit my friends all over Germany, too - but I have never been on a real vacation, just for the sake of being somewhere and relax.

Since I can't tell whether I'll be successful with that or not, I decided against putting "getting an apprentice position" on the list but "writing applications" instead.
Because I've been holding back on that a lot - simply because I was too scared to send any, afraid they'd reject me. (Yes, that sounds stupid, but it's just another one of my issues)

I already stopped smoking twelve weeks ago (Yay me!), so I put "stay smoke-free" on the list.


That's my list for 2013, and with that, this long-ass blog post is finally over. (laughs)
If you've read until here, kudos to you!

Have a good time, hope we'll meet again next year!

/K

!

Just a quick notification of who won on the giveaway:


Package No. 1 goes to "Ruhapoopie" (participated via twitter because she wasn't able to leave a comment here somehow)

Package No. 2 goes to "id-pop"


Congratulations!


Thank you all for participating! Maybe I'll do something like this again sometime, but I can't promise anything.

I'll try to send out the packages before the weekend, I'm sorry they probably won't make it in time for Christmas. :/


On the same note, I'm going on a small hiatus for the next week - since I've got holidays now and will go back to my hometown to visit my family.
Have a lovely Christmas, best of wishes, and take care!


/K

Giveaway!

Hey there, lovely people!

Christmas is pulling closer and since I just currently sorted out my cosmetics box, I decided to give the stuff away I haven't used or have no use for!
It would be a shame to just throw them away, right?

The products are, of course, still durable (otherwise I would have thrown them away) and intact - some of them were only used for a short swatch and then never touched again.

The products have cost me 1-15€ each, but please don't ask me for the exact worth of each product - it's a present after all, right?



Rules:

• You do not need to follow my blog, twitter, tumblr or whatever.
• Leave a short comment to state you're willing to participate in the giveaway.
• If you are picked, I will send you a private message/e-mail regarding your address, so I can send the items to you!
• Winners are picked by chance (I'll roll a dice or something), there is nothing you could do to increase your chances of getting picked.
• Deadline for application is Dec 15th 2012, 23:59 (CET)

Disclaimer:

All items given away are in the exact same condition as displayed in the pictures.

I am in no way affiliated with any of the companies/brands those items were purchased from - I do not get paid or gain anything from displaying them here or giving them away.

Your contact data will not be given to any third parties.
No companies/brands are involved in the process of this giveaway.

(PS.: If you could be allergic to any of the ingredients in the products, please check for yourself!)

Package #1

Contains: 
CATRICE cosmetics - LE - PAPAGENA feather lashes (no glue included)
Prime Beauty Products eyeshadow palette Brown/Hazel
ESSENCE quattro eyeshadow - 01 "Ciao Bella!" (used for swatch once)
YR "Coleurs Nature" - Multi Reflex Lip Gloss - 09 (seriously, the sticker at the bottom is too small to read the name!)
YR "Tradition de Hammam" Nourishing Argan Balm
YR "Les Plaisirs Nature" - Vanilla body lotion 
YR "Nutri Specific" - Milky facial cleanser
YR "Sebo Specific" Ultra Matt hydrating and matting face cream
TRUE RELIGION Fragrance Body Lotion (for men)

Package #2

Contains:
ESSENCE quattro eyeshadow - 04 "Sixties Reloaded" (used for swatch once)
ASTOR Rainbow Changing Color Eyeshadow roll-on (no specific color appointed - lilac)
Black Bird Nail Polish No. 04 (dark purple)
SYOSS Max Hold styling gel 
SYOSS Heat Protect spray

fourth lesson

Hello there, lovely people!

Today was finally the big day. I've been wanting a 'crazy' (crazy as in uncommon) haircolor for forever, it feels, and today I finally gave it a shot.

I used L'Oréal Pastell 'Soft Rose'.

It's used like a conditioner and therefor pretty easy to handle. On contrary to a hair coloration, it's used on washed, damp hair. Claims to hold for up to three washings.

The color of the fluid really threw me off for a second because, as you can see, it's bright neon pink. The texture is like a normal conditioner, and it even makes the hair really soft.

Remember that alien slime back from the 90s? Well, it was a little as if I'd put that in my hair, haha.

After I'd worked it into my hair, it looked like this - the pink was a lot softer then.

The final result!

I'm pretty satisfied with the way it looks in dry hair, but one thing that got me upset is that it didn't stick to the hair to the same amount everywhere. Close to the crown it's completely washed out but the tips are really the color shown on the package. 

Overall, I think it was worth a try and I'm happy I don't look like a clown now. /laughs

/K

third lesson

Small update on the things I've recently been gifting myself with!

Finally: A new hair straightener! I've been having my old one for almost a decade and even though it's still working, it's a bit hard to use - especially for the styles I am usually doing.

So I bought this new one and it's turned out to be a good deal, since it works well and only cost 15€.

Nail polish and a new gel eyeliner.

I had to throw away a lot of my old nail polish, since it was just not usable anymore. Most of them were simply dried out because I hadn't used them in so long. I fell in love with the yellow one at the drugstore and with the coral colored one as well. The beige/colorless one is a matt finish top coat which looks fabulous on black/grey and the yellow nail polish as well.

I actually wanted a brown gel eyeliner and thought I bought one but well.. it turned out to be black as well.

Ultimate Nail Lacquer "820 Pimp My Shrimp" by Catrice

Lotus Effect Long-Lasting Nail Polish "21G" by Manhattan

ProMat Top Coat Matt Effect by Manhattan

Long-Lasting Gel Eyeliner by Manhattan

And finally - a bit of feel-good music for this winter!
I've been wanting both these LPs forever and now I finally ordered them.
Yes, you can hate me now for liking music like that but well, as if I'd give a damn.

Take care, me babies.

/K

second lesson

How has everybody been doing?
I've had quite the busy week and I'm just happy that the weekend is finally here.

NekoNeko is the present of a beloved friend.

 Since it's been my last week at the clinic, it was kind of full with appointments and a lot of stuff had to be arranged still.
After all, I am happy to go back to my 'normal' life, as well as I am a bit sad that I had to leave that little sanctuary. Work will be busy the next months (especially during Christmas and New Year's) and I'm still not sure when I'll manage to go and visit my family over the holidays.
So this weekend, I was busy cleaning the flat and mentally preparing myself to go back to work on Monday.
I've learned a lot during the past nine weeks, I'm sensitized and a bit shaky on my feet still because I'm afraid things could overwhelm me easily. But we'll see to that, right?

I finally managed to clean my bedroom.

 On another note, I finally manage to go to the gym on a regular basis again! (laughs)
I think it's important for me to keep up with the sports, especially the back exercises, because I want a healthy and clean 'house' for my hopefully-soon-to-be healthy soul.
I've learned that it is as important to take care of oneself as of others. It's something I haven't done within the past ten years or so - not as I should have, that is.

Well-deserved coffee break after gym.

Speaking of body-mods - I cut my hair! (laughs)
This time, it's gotten very short but I bleached it this weekend as well, so it's looking better now than it did right after the cutting. (Whenever I get my hair cut, it takes felt ages until I get used to it.)

Hi, I'm Link.

Plus, I finally had an appointment at the dentist (it's been five years since the last time /gets bricked) and well... since my last dentist didn't do one of the dental fillings right, I've got to get a root treatment. I'm still crying about this. (laughs)
It's only one of the many little things I haven't taken care of in the past years, so I'm looking forward to taking care of the rest. Some things which need to be done, some which I want to do.

I'm not good in wishing for things in life - especially things for myself - so my wish for the next few weeks is to smile a bit more and to keep up with the tasks and healthy patterns I've established within the past nine weeks.

So long, and take care.

/K

first lesson

Alrighty-!

Here we go with my try in blogging. I'll see for how far I'll be able and willing to keep this thing up and update that blog thing.

First off, maybe I should introduce myself?

The name's Kei, or just K, and I'm 23 years old. I'm a German jobber who is really into photography, fashion, cosplay, and writing.

So far, nothing special about all this, right? Right.

me taking pictures of other cosplayers - photo by Trunks21

In general, I'll try to keep this blog like a diary and upload all kind of stuff that fancies me. Maybe there will be reviews, videos, pictures, cosplay WIPs or something like that but I cannot predict that right now.

Let's all just have a good time!

If you want to, you can follow me on twitter, I'll be posting whenever I'm updating my blog.

Cheers,

/K